First Love
by RubyNury
Summary: Seiya discovered a blue-eyed, snub-nosed, noisy and terribly stubborn source of his everyday happiness, and all the boy waited for was the perfect moment to confess.


**~ * First Love * ~**

**Seiya**

"Let's go eat ice-cream." It took just one glance at the fallen expression on Usagi's face for Seiya to sigh and offer it right on the threshold.

Some time ago Odango Atama convinced him that eating ice-cream could make right most of troubles in the world. That amazing girl seemed to truly believe that flavored delicious ice worked wonders when things in life went wrong. Seiya once tried to ask for more details about how exactly it was supposed to work, that inexplicable phenomenon, but Usagi hushed him by shoving a sweet cold cone straight into his mouth, and he had no other choice than to shut up.

…

_Getting to know each other in high school, they passed through the chain of squabbles, misunderstandings and fights, and then, owing to constant bickering, naturally and unwittingly, grew closer, and becoming friends followed._

_For Usagi, Seiya became the best friend. He used to protect her from stupid silly jokes of their classmates, save her from troubles of all kinds, getting herself in which Usagi had an absolute talent for; he was her unfailing cheat sheet during exams, her lifesaver on every kind of sports festival; her companion when she felt like skipping a class or two she particularly disliked; he was her pillar of strength, a shoulder to cry on, and on top of that he was an inexhaustible source of sweets healing any wound and raising her spirits._

_For Seiya, Usagi was… she was his best friend, the most amazing girl he ever met, and also she was the most naïve, kind, understanding, whimsical and spontaneous creature he's known. Somewhere along the way between the good-natured and not quite wrangling, teasing and mocking Usagi stopped being his best friend and became his secret love. It seemed though that that love remained secret for Usagi only because it was not long after that that Seiya noticed the suspicious activity of his own environment: Yaten would put on that cunning sneer once the blue-eyed blonde happened to be around; Taiki considered it his duty to delicately share with Seiya now a slim volume of poetry, now a "The First Date's Rules for Dummies" book (Seiya was in shock when he just read the title – the poor thing had no idea he had to actually read books to go on a date… hell, why would something like dating need rules in the first place, it wasn't anything like his favorite American football after all!), and Usagi's friends would start giggling every time they saw Seiya and Usagi together. Seiya didn't care. He discovered a blue-eyed, snub-nosed, noisy and terribly stubborn source of his everyday happiness, and all the boy waited for was the perfect moment to confess._

…

So this time they stood outside on the balcony, screwing up their eyes at the bright sun and licking the quickly melting sweet tops over wafer cones almost synchronously. Joyfully blabbering on about nothing special and faking indignation at the sticky milky streamlets trickling down the crispy brims, every now and again Seiya would throw a stealthy glance at the light-haired trespasser of his calm concentrated on licking her ice-cream as fast as if she went for a speed contest with it. The boy tried his best to figure out what made this always cheerful perpetual motion creature so upset this time and how he could help her.

Odango has been acting strange for the past fortnight. She would call on Seiya even more often than usually, give him long stares thinking he wouldn't notice, her laugh became too loud and often out of place. She would stagger between unrestrained gaiety and almost palpable, blade-sharp sadness. She would now gush with laughter now bite her trembling lips to stop herself from crying. Seiya couldn't stand watching her blow hot and cold. He would feed her with ice-cream and sweets, take her out for a tea, tell her funny stories about Taiki and Yaten or tickle her if they didn't help. He tried to stay beside her as much as he could and he was terribly scared that she would break without him around.

He would make some time and drag Usagi out for a walk in the sunset. Holding the girl's hand tight, Seiya secretly admired the way the soft blush crept onto her cheeks. He would jabber nonsense and do silly things – just to see her smile, crinkle her nose or narrow her eyes indignantly – he'd take anything except for a small wrinkle between her eyebrows and a wistful cast down look. And it worked: she laughed, huffed, sprang to indignation while he was around. But walking Usagi home Seiya worried she'd give in to her melancholy when he's gone.

Of course he would ask the girl what was wrong, why she was like that. He would look closely at her face, worried, catch her guarded glances, and freeze still when she groped after his hand and squeezed it tight. He could almost hear the words she couldn't bring herself to let out.

But most of all Seiya cherished a hope. He hoped her adorable shyness, her touching blush and radiant looks had something behind them. Something special. He could feel his Odango, that adorable girl with golden hair, yearning for him, clinging to his side almost. It was in the way she touched him, smiled at him, swept something invisible off his T-shirts, and kept silent, frightfully silent about something very important.

He regretted like a madman he couldn't read her thoughts.

Seiya stretched his memory trying to find the reference point when these weird changes had only begun happening, and his dark eyebrows flew up above the astonished midnight-blue eyes. That rain they got into, only a little more than two weeks ago… It was around then when Usagi began changing.

The ringing voice broke the flow of his thoughts.

"Oh! Seiya, Seiya, look there! Quick! Right there, see? A balloon!" All worries were forgotten at once, Usagi's sky-blue eyes shone with genuine childish rapture following a red balloon someone had let go from down there.

As if on cue, they both turned to each other and two blue looks met, one of them sparkling with mischief, the other beaming with excitement.

"The balloon." The girl smiled widely, unable to take her radiating eyes off of Seiya.

"The balloon." He nodded, holding on the invisible thread between them. They thought about the same thing.

One shared memory for the two.

…

_Back then Seiya ran headlong to her, breaking away from a rehearsal after he heard his Odango's crestfallen voice over the phone. The girl handed him the usual in such moments dainty, looking all gloomy, and for a while they were sliently nibbling on their icy milky cylinders. Seiya would shoot questioning glances at her every now and then but Usagi kept furiously biting her ice-cream and choking on the cold pieces, sticking in her throat._

_Then she began mumbling something, mixing her angry monologue with incoherent exclamations, yet Seiya couldn't make out the exact reason for such a fit of outrage of hers. Not until Usagi blushed to the roots of her hair and exclaimed especially loud, "Silly Rei calls us a lovey-dovey couple! Minako asks for details, and Mako-chan is curious as to when we started dating! Even Ami-chan supports them on this stupid joke, how do you like that?"_

_She was fuming, and Seiya, hiding his smile thoroughly, couldn't help thinking that he would have definitely got it in the neck from her, had Usagi found out he was willing to hug her smart girls for calling them that._

_To appease the boiling Odango, he bought her a whole bunch of balloons of all colors, and the girl had been rambling around all day long wearing a broad toothy smile and gripping the sheaf of multicolored ribbons in her little fist. In the sunset, when Seiya was walking the cheerfully chirping blonde home, they let the balloons fly free in the sky, one by one._

_Usagi kept only one balloon to herself. With a huge smiling face on it. She said it reminded her of Seiya. "You too always smile like this, broad and happy". And there was something special gleaming in her attentive, somewhat expectant look, unfamiliar warmth maybe._

…

Usagi reached out and hugged him tightly. His arms closed down upon her back on their own, her warm temple pressed against his neck burned his skin and his lips formed a genuinely happy smile.

"Thank you, Seiya," his T-shirt muffled her murmur but he clearly heard – or rather guessed – every word. "I am so happy I have you."

A hot wave washed over him. He wasn't hearing things, was he?

He wanted to tell her right away, to confess to her… But her embrace was so desperately tight yet fragile at the same time he didn't have the nerve to ruin this childishly trustful gesture.

Just as it was back then, in the rain… Fifteen days and an afternoon ago.

…

_The unexpectedly cold for the summer downpour drove them under the shield of a closed small shop. Usagi was shivering like crazy, and Seiya without a moment's thought took off his light jacket and slipped it over her shoulders. By then his clothes were soaking wet and could barely give any warmth to the trembling girl but she thanked him with a happy smile all the same and wrapped the slightly large jacket around herself._

_Every now and then Seiya would look out in the sky, waiting for it to clear up, worried that his dear Odango would catch cold in this rain. Strong gusts of the wind made him shiver too._

_And suddenly a thin body pressed itself into him from behind. Leaned in closer and hugged him around his waist. Seiya almost jumped in surprise, a hot wave washing over him, from head to toes._

_"What are you…?"_

_"Stay quiet. You're freezing," Usagi cut him short. "This way it'll be warmer. A little, at least."_

_Had he been a couple of years younger, he would have most likely blurted out something stupid to conceal his embarrassment, and Usagi would have been mortally offended. But luckily, he got past that silly age, so he just nodded in appreciation, silently._

_They didn't realize the rain had stopped and the sun flooded the streets with dazzling sparkling freshness. Seiya kept clenching his fists tight in the pockets and, too scared to break the frail moment of closeness with an accidental, careless movement, smiled in the brightening sky._

_The all soaked, shivering girl was clinging to his back, and even through his shirt Seiya felt her face glow, buried in between his shoulder-blades._

_And it was then when he made up his mind. The sound of a heated deliberate breathing and the feeling of lean arms, clasping his waist tightly in attempt to lend him some warmth, imparted the needed courage to him._

_"Odango, you know –"_

_She raised her head from his warm back at the sound of his voice. He felt cold at once._

_ "…for a long while, I have –"_

_"Seiya, look, rainbow!" A ringing exclamation broke in. "Look, look, it's so beautiful!" Usagi stood on her tiptoe in admiration, and her breath brushed against Seiya's ear, burning it. Unconsciously, he clasped the arms embracing him tighter and, all confused, nodded._

_None of them realized the jacket was long gone, soaking near them in a dirty puddle._

…

Holding his precious girl in his arms tightly, Seiya decided that he would tell her tomorrow. He didn't want to wait anymore. Neither could he.

She would probably be so surprised, he thought. The dark-blue eyes smiled at the vast sky with the blindingly shining sun. Tomorrow…

And then tomorrow comes, and his dear girl storms into his apartment, rapping at the door as if she is chased by ghosts.

"Seiya, I have finally realized!" Usagi is shining so brightly he gets the urge to shield his eyes. And to hold her tight and even tighter. He finds himself laughing aloud, and he doesn't even know why – it seems impossible to hold back when she is so, so happy. Her emotions are so powerful and infectious they knock him off his feet and whirl.

"Seiya!" Her eyes, the shade of a clear sky, are lit up with realization. "I think I fell in love!"

The very moment the happily laughing girl throws herself on his neck, almost strangling him with her embrace, his world stirs.

"I've been going crazy, worried, thinking over and over again, I mean, seriously, how come, he's so grown up!" It is as if a dam inside her breaks and the long-pent up thoughts and words gush forth in torrents. "And now I realized. This is love, so it's alright! It doesn't really matter, right? Seiya, dear, tell me it's fine. I will grow up too, and things will surely be fine. Besides… when you love someone, differences don't matter much, do they?"

She's building her bright sparkling future, and his own world is falling apart before his eyes.

"He"? "Grown up"?

He wants to screw his eyes shut tightly, to shut his ears with his hands, to distance himself, to take a timeout – only to _understand_.

"He". "Grown up". "This is love".

And his world collapsed.

…

Endless grey-grey asphalt. Quickly flickering toes of his sports shoes. Hoarse difficult breathing.

…

_What an idiot! How could he be so wrong?_

_Geez, what a blockhead, he could barely breathe, all so happy and excited when Usagi, looking so touchingly shy and cute with her eyes sparkling brightly, was talking nonstop about a guy with dark-blue eyes and dark hair! He thought she was just too shy to confess her feelings straightforwardly and so she probed the ways of letting him know with such a charming naivety._

_What a fool! Moron! Freaking imbecile!_

_It didn't even alert him that the guy of her stories was much taller than her (Seiya was taller than Usagi, and only now it occurred to him that he should've asked how many inches exactly her 'much' was), that he was smart (Seiya genuinely deemed himself quite a smart person even if he didn't have much interest in academics); well, it was her "calm" that confused him a little bit but even then he waved it off, assuming that in comparison with Usagi herself, a fidget and a bustler two-in-one, anyone would appear as calm incarnate (well, excluding maybe Minako but she was an outstanding exception)._

_And then Usagi said "grown up", and something inside Seiya snapped._

_Grown up._

_A bitter burning wave rose inside._

_He, Seiya, can be anyone, any kind, anything but never a grown up, not even with every possible reservation and stretch. And so it means… it's not him?_

_All those times, her eyes radiating tenderness, her cheeks glowing pink, her incoherent rapturous whisper – all that was… not about him?_

…

He's probably offended Usagi.

Seiya can't recall what a lie he made up about having an urgent meeting – just to get out of there as quickly as possible. He needed to run away. To escape.

He can't recall how he made it to the studio. How he locked the door and slid down on the floor.

He doesn't know how long he's been sitting like this, thoughtless, motionless, senseless. More than that, he doesn't even care.

His world is now colorless and faded, time non-existent.

Blue eyes and the beaming smile remained in another, past life. In the world where there's no grey color or endless run with hard raspy breathing. _She _remained there, with light and colors.

When Kou brothers finally get to the studio after looking for Seiya everywhere else, they hear fierce thunder from behind the door – someone's beating on the drums and clanking the cymbals for all they're worth.

Yaten rolls his eyes and frowning crossly stomps to the door visibly intending to throw it open with a crash and give the youngest a piece of his mind. Taiki steps in his way.

"Don't, Yaten. Not now." His voice is quiet, and his wise, all-understanding lilac eyes look gently and wistfully.

The silver-haired spitfire scowls, folds his arms in front of his chest bellicosely and grumps discontentedly, "What a piece of idiot… he'll break the drums," and as if in answer to his words, the drum roll stops dead abruptly giving way to the roar of a bass-guitar. Judging from the volume level, all amplifiers are turned up to their maximum. Walls vibrate painfully. Yaten harkens to the wild cacophony gushing from behind the massive door. "Or strings. Really, a freak." But his feigned anger fizzles out and worry and helplessness lace his voice faintly.

Taiki, with a ghost of a smile on his lips, puts his hand on his shoulder and takes him away from the raging studio.

"We'll buy strings again, doesn't matter. Let him be." And there's the same quiet sadness in his voice as is in his eyes, and he doesn't need to say the rest for it's clear for the both of them.

…

"I'm not going to school today." This is what Taiki hears in their apartment first thing in the morning. There are determination and challenge in Seiya's posture and a mix of entreaty and longing in his midnight-blue eyes. Taiki doesn't even try to remind him of the coming up finals.

Starting last night, Seiya has been acting defiant and intolerable. Yaten, as opposed to the naturally reserved Taiki, had no high hopes for his own self-composure, so he locked himself in his room and stayed there demonstratively. It isn't the best time for taking it out on the youngest, he knows, but he isn't the prudent Taiki and even though he understands the circumstances and sympathizes with Seiya, really he does, his behavior drives Yaten totally nuts.

"Alright. I will tell the teacher you are sick," Taiki surprises Seiya with his compliance, not leaving him a single chance to oppose. "Yaten, let's go!"

Seiya doesn't grieve long over his failed attempt to start a quarrel with his brother because he still has his chance with Yaten… No one else could have given him a better reason for a brawl, that's for sure! The perfect candidate.

'_Just one wrong word from you, Yaten…_' He thinks with an inexplicable gloat and he braces himself inwardly, anticipating a fight. Or a squabble at least. '_Just give me a reason…_'

But he isn't lucky even here because the oldest brother walks out of his room adjusting the straps of his schoolbag and heads to Taiki, silent. It takes just one gloomy glance at the defiant mask of the youngest, disguising his inner disarray and broken dreams, and Yaten's recent irritation evaporates completely.

Walking past Seiya, he slows down for an instant, puts his hand on his shoulder and squeezes it a little, encouraging, supporting.

'_Hold on,_' his gesture says, and there's so much worry, so much care in this small squeeze that Seiya doesn't find it in him to shake Yaten's hand off, explode and throw a fit accusing them in seeing him as a weakling and a weeper, he can't even shout in their faces his prepared, defensive "_Buzz off, I don't need your pity!_". There's so much sympathy and understanding in the calm lilac eyes of Taiki that the harsh, falsely cheerful words get stuck in his throat. Seiya silently waits for his brothers to leave for school and when they do, he closes the door, closes his face with his hands and stays still, leaning against the cool metal. His shoulders shake.

…

He doesn't go to school, he skips rehearsals. Day after day, time after time, all he does is change broken strings on his poor bass-guitar when there's no one in the studio. He doesn't even need to go outside to buy them since he found a dozen of new strings sets under the freshly repaired drum kit.

…

He doesn't want to speak to Usagi and he wouldn't have answered her call. Only she doesn't call. Not once during those several days that Seiya doesn't go to school. He knows it for sure, because he keeps checking his phone over and over again. So that he doesn't miss the moment when her number appears on the display at last. No, surely he won't pick up. But let her phone. At least once, please. Because it hurts too much to be neglected. Even worse than being turned down.

…

Today and tomorrow and the day after it hurts so much he thinks he might die.

Despite his young age, Seiya isn't stupid and he knows that life goes on, that everything will be fine and that there is so much lying ahead of him… but he cannot bring himself to believe it right now. The future without _her _seems empty and meaningless. Why would he need his future at all if he doesn't have _her_, his ringing-voiced blue-eyed happiness?

Yet he doesn't die, not today or tomorrow, not even the day after. Even when a couple of weeks pass by he still is alive and, to his own despair, quite healthy. The strong young body even refuses to fall ill as if to spite him. And Seiya gives up. It looks like he doesn't have any other choice than to go on living.

…

He doesn't talk about Usagi nor does he think about her. Because even thinking of her now hurts him too much, and Seiya doesn't want his never blossomed love to turn into hatred. Sometimes he thinks this unbearably long row of days weaved out of sadness, heartache, disappointment, anger and self-pity would never come to its end. He's only sixteen and he still believes in "never".

…

Everything in this world has its limits. And so his longing subsides little by little letting down its merciless steel grip.

One day Seiya wakes up and the colors of the sky burst into his heart for the first time during these long days. Bright blue. Seiya recalls that Odango's eyes are of the same shade when she laughs, and when the unbidden memory doesn't bring familiar bitterness inside he decides to think it a good sign.

And it is. Towards evening Usagi calls him and offers to meet in the café.

No, he wouldn't be an infatuated puppy rushing headlong at her first call. After so many days of her obscure, outrageous silence he would walk into the café posing himself self-confident, stylish, smiling – as if everything is perfect. As if nothing special had happened. As if he wasn't broken with sadness and yearning for her.

So what she's found another guy! Odango and he are bound so tightly not a single guy could break it. She can't go on without him, Seiya, for too long, and he, well, he will wait for her. Just like he's waiting right now as he somehow made it to the café half an hour prior to the appointed time. It was strange because he didn't run… Seiya thinks. Well, not too fast at least.

To be honest, Seiya doesn't really know why he is here. Maybe he hopes that… no, why, what exactly would he hope for? For Usagi's new love to hurt her so that she'd run back to him all crying? No matter how badly his own heart aches he would never wish that to his dear girl.

While waiting for Usagi, Seiya tosses and tries many plausible reasons for showing up but the right answer has been there, deep down inside, all along – he simply can't do without her.

…

"Seiya!" He hears her voice but doesn't even catch to turn around because he already is in the tightly closed ring of her lean warm arms. "You came! Seiya, dear…! It's so good that you came!"

"Hello, Odango." He says finally when the light-haired hurricane of a local scale lets him free and sits down across him, beaming happily.

The easiness with which her usual, affectionate "dear" comes out from her mouth hurts Seiya unexpectedly (he isn't sure Usagi has the right to call him that now) but he doesn't say anything. He just watches his precious girl with somewhat of a sad smile and thinks that looking happy suits her very well.

The waiter, ready to take their order, appears beside their table as if from nowhere and coughs politely, breaking the spell of the moment.

Seiya notices the bright blush on Usagi's cheeks and smiles as he offers, "Ice-cream?"

It's only that he isn't sure who's in need of it more now…

"I am afraid we have only the lemon flavor left," the waiter steps in immediately and adds apologetically, "The weather has been very hot today, the rest was sold out completely in the morning …"

"It's bitter." Usagi crinkles her nose. Seiya doesn't like that flavor either but he all the same corrects her good-naturedly, "It's sour."

"Very sour." Stresses the waiter even though nobody asked him.

"I don't want it either way. Bring me lemonade instead." The girl smiles at the unasked adviser. Seiya calls after the leaving waiter and mechanically orders himself an ice-cream. Forgetting he doesn't eat the lemon one at all.

They watch the waiter until he's gone and then exchange glances and smile conspiratorially. Usagi giggles, muffling herself with a palm pressed against her lips, and in a minute Seiya finds themselves choking with laughter without any reason. Their personal absurdity. It happened like this all the time: they would exchange glances and roar with laughter over absolutely nonsensical trifles.

He basks in the blue shine of the eyes he loves and suddenly realizes that something essential, vitally important is still there, between them. Still there, no matter what.

"Seiya, I'm here not for long," Usagi smiles somewhat guiltily all of a sudden reaching out and taking his hand. The waiter who brought their order breaks her affectionate gesture, and Seiya wants nothing more than to get up and shove his ice-cream in the man's face. He hates the lemon flavor! And this waiter, he hates him too, just in tow. "I'm sorry I dragged you out in the middle of the day but I wanted to see you so badly…" The girl's thin fingers crumple a white paper napkin, giving away her emotion, and for some reason Seiya can't take his eyes off this sight. "You haven't been at school for so long, I was worried about you… Taiki doesn't give any explanations, Yaten wouldn't even talk to me, he only gives me dagger looks… and I don't even know what I've done to him."

'_Not him, Odango. Me._' Wow, he never expected Yaten to stand up for him like that.

The girl he loves so dearly sits across him, and he watches her with tenderness. It's all familiar to him – the way she frowns in frustration, the way she wrinkles her forehead puzzled, the way she tells him about her worries, her thoughts, her anxiety; the way she slightly tips her head to a straw and sips her sweet cold drink.

They have always eaten ice-cream together. Now Seiya almost painfully realizes that she isn't his anymore. She is not with him.

For a moment he's grateful that his mouth is full of sweet and sour ice and it excuses him from saying anything.

Starting suddenly, Usagi finishes her lemonade in one gulp and looks at him apologetically.

"I'm sorry, Seiya, I have to go. Someone's waiting for me." The sky-blue look flitters to the window despite itself.

Seiya follows her glance and sees _him_. Well, Odango told him the truth after all. A tall dark-haired young man, quite mature and self-confident, stands at the entrance of the café calmly, obviously waiting for someone, and from time to time checks his watch. Someone like him will sure be able to take care of Usagi. Even better than he, Seiya, could ever do. It hurts.

A lot.

"How do I look?" The blonde whispers, hasty and eager, as she stands erect and smoothes out her light sundress.

"Best of all." Seiya smiles. This is the first time in his life when he lets himself speak perfectly honest, and Usagi takes his words as a friendly teasing.

"How can he fall in love with me at all?" It seems she only thinks aloud, she doesn't do that to torture him on purpose.

Seiya looks away from the sight of his lovely girl biting her lip, upset, and watches his half-empty ice-cream bowl so intensely as if he's never seen anything more interesting in the world. A ghost of a wry smile touches his lips.

"How can one _not_ to?"

Usagi gives him a long gentle gaze.

"Thank you, Seiya. You are the best!" She hovers a little but then leans in and kisses him on the cheek. "Well, I'm off. Wish me luck."

He can't speak – he's got a spoonful of terribly-terribly cold and sour ice-cream in his mouth, and his jaws clench tightly. He nods simply, and the girl flashes him a toothy smile and leaves. Leaves him. For another man. All fluttered and so obviously happy.

"_You are the best_"…

It's almost as good as her "I am so happy I have you".

He's been craving for these words. He dreamed of hearing them from her, his lovely Odango Atama, someday. It's only that in his dreams it was totally different. The touch of her lips still lingered on his cheek. A cool, moist, slightly sticky from the lemonade she sipped, it felt amazingly distinct. Usagi isn't around anymore, but the mark she left constricts the skin on his cheek a little.

Piercing blue bright sky. Happy blue eyes under the golden fringe. Pale yellow ice-cream in the mirror-like shining bowl.

He puts another spoonful of his ice-cream into his mouth. It's good that it's so cold and so sour. Seiya scoops a spoon after spoon, cringes bitterly and persuades himself deliberately that it's only because of this icy sourness that his throat squeezes so tightly he can't breathe or swallow anymore. And even when the bowl's outlines begin to blur, he keeps stubbornly insisting it is still just that.

**~ * o * ~**


End file.
